it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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