First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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