Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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