I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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