It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
