wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
