I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
