[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
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What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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