its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
