so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
