Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
