How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
