i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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