We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize