So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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