I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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