Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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