So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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