My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
