Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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