It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
