Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
