He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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