I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
