He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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