Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
