she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
