Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
