Soap is not a condiment
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
