do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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