Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
