woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
