i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
