Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
