Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
