great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
