I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
