Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
