all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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