This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
