So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
