I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
