Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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