There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
