my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
