A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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