Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
pop tarts are not kleenex
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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