Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So much Jack, so little girl.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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