rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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