This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
