is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
40s are totally the cure
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
