Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
