1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
