There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
