Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
