Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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