I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
