I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
