so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
