Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
