Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
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Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
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I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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