I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
