No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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