im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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