Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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