My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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