Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
