My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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