My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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