Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
