You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
