I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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