Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
