hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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