I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
