I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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