What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
