I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
